ergh

light and reflection mirrors globes smoke frenzy mind games mind power mind rules can I protect all other aspects of myself from what it is my mind wants to make of them sometimes being alone all the time is the best way to really get you to appreciate people which is still such a hard thing and being alone also makes that harder I can't decide I'm excited to have a birthday in five days that's vapid, especially since it is kind of an important number seeing as it is the real adult number now it's all I've ever wanted maybe I think I'll go down the south coast it would be nice if buddy was here to eat and south coast with m alas she is not I miss her a lot and at the same time I have been so exposed to myself even moreso with her overseas which is as alarming as it is exciting despite the fact that I am going insane I can't control my feelings the ones that don't exist because I feel very stagnant at the moment.

These next 40 days are going to be wild.

L8rz. Adventure Time time.

I need to not forget to make a cake / some slice for anne carty and also start organising what food to have at the picnic and also the farewell bonanza.

Poop.

I haven't blogged since Annette's departure.

I really just want to leave already.

I'm losing my mind.

Don't even want to say goodbye to any of my friends, just think it would be fun to slip out of life, and I think actually that is what I will do. I'll have a gathering with family and maybe a couple of friends here and there. But I really just want to go.

So it actually feels real, which it doesn't all.

I just really want to snuggle with Annette...but she's in Provo right now, probably studying up a storm.
I miss her so much it actually hurts tonight.

I listened to her favourite song from the Her soundtrack.

Now I'm listening to Benjamin Britten's Songs for Friday Afternoon.

I don't feel very good, I have been sad all day, I don't want to be sad anymore, so I'm going to go away now and watch some more adventure time and try and wake up early tomorrow, I still have a fair few things to do before I am fully ready, I also need to get my mum's mother's day gift all properly sorted out.

BLERGH.

Death.

Speaking of which, I actually listened to the most awesome Radiolab podcast on Death today, it was so so good, I loved it I wanted to cry. Maybe I'll listen to it again. I ran to it actually, tomorrow I am going to try running with no iPod, just my stopwatch / phone that I use as a stopwatch.

L8erz.